I have known this man quite a number of years and he has always puzzled me. He frequents gay bars and will socially get together with other gay friends for dinner and social events. He has always had quite a few lesbian friends as well. He is petrified about anyone, even a stranger, who might perceive him as a "homo." He will definitely not associate with anyone in the gay community who might has the slightest mannerisms or persona of an effeminate. Once we caught a taxi to a gay bar and he had the taxi driver let us off about two blocks from the bar. He will not allow another male friend to hug him when leaving his house in fear that a neighbor might see two guys hugging. While he lives in a nice house, he is allows his house to be dirty and unkempt. I think he sees a clean, tidy home to be a feminine trait. When I visited him the last time (he lives in another state) he made reference to the fact that I liked to keep the dishes washed like a woman does.
From my perspective, I think this would be a very lonely life. Someone with this attitude could never have any real, close friends who are heterosexual for fear that he would be found out. My heterosexual friends (male and female) all know of my sexuality and it helps with my authenticity for real friendship. Discounting the effeminate homosexuals is equally limiting for they can also enrich all of our lives.
Does anyone have any insight on this other than my friend is extremely closeted?