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Topics - andkon

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I wrote a free book specifically on the sexual fluidity of males. In ancient Greece and Rome (but elsewhere too), men had sex with other men. Not 3% of men, not 5%, but a much larger number. They weren't merely tolerant of the few people who were same-sex oriented but the culture itself was oriented in that manner. No polls are available, but we know that of the first twenty Roman emperors, eighteen (or 90%) were reported to have had sex with other men. Other cultures around the world reported similar experiences between men. So what happened that 95% of men would say they're exclusively heterosexual now? Christianity. Same-sex was forbidden starting in the 300's and almost everyone is raised to feel that same-sex sex is gross or for just effeminate men.

Think of how uncomfortable most men are wearing speedos at least here in America. Well, in Europe when I was growing up, everyone was wearing them so no big deal. Sexuality is just like speedos: It's just social pressure and expectations. Innate sexual orientation, my ass.

Right, so we can all just turn straight by force of will?

Not necessarily.

My book is mostly about how most straight men cannot have been born straight. This has to be the case if we see that in the ancient world, most men it would appear had no(ne of our*) qualms about same-sex sex. Genes/hormones/whatever do not change in a few centuries. Culture can and did. That culture "makes" people straight does not mean that straight men can by force of will change their sexual habits. It does mean that for "straight" men who are already open-minded or curious, informing them that they're not really born straight could perhaps lead to a greater incidence same-sex sex.

Where does that leave the gays or homosexuality? Well, the problem is that there is no one thing called homosexuality. If you just browse the table of contents of Homosexualities by Stephen O. Murray, you'll see that there have been multiple types of homosexualities, plural. In some cultures, you had relationships between men of same rank or males of a different, both masculine though. In North America, you had berdaches who were feminine men used like women; the top in this relationship wasn't considered different from other males. Under the modern nomenclature, all of these people would be considered "homosexual" now. So... can some of these people change? Well, maybe.

I've never understood how some gay men can have sex with dozens or hundreds of men of varying quality, yet if a vagina is attached, "Eww, no thanks." Really, that's the deal breaker? A lot of gay men are effeminate and end up with other effeminate gay men... but if there's a vagina attached, "Eww, no thanks." Those in stable relationships (gay and straight): would you ditch your partner if they magically sprouted genitalia contrary to their biological sex all the sudden? So how much of homosexual exclusivity is due to the hetero-majority's bigotry that segregates gays, for example?

*There were sexual taboos in Rome. A freeman being penetrated was looked down upon, although no doubt many did it.


Numbers problem:


The following scenario happens many times: A man comes into my office, referred by his own therapist and clutching coming-out literature that the therapist has given him. He explains that his therapist has tried, unsuccessfully, to help him come out as gay or bisexual, but even though he's had sex with other men or gone to gay porn websites, he insists that he isn't gay. He says that he isn't homophobic either; if it turns out that he is indeed gay or bisexual, he'll accept it and move on with his life, but the label just doesn't feel right to him.

When I write about straight men who are attracted to or having sex with other men, I receive numerous negative responses, mostly from gay men who have lived in the closet, convincing themselves that they were straight, and may have even had relationships or marriages with women. "You are keeping these men closeted and harming them!" they shout at me. But what these gay men don't realize is that I am not talking about men like them. These gay men were suppressing an identity: a sexual and romantic identity of being gay. These are not the men I am addressing here.

Claims of situational homosexuality from above article:

Seeking intensely arousing but personally shameful experiences (e.g., penetration by a dildo, bondage): These are heterosexual men who are strongly interested in various sexual experiences that many people might label "homosexual." To avoid being identified in this way by women, they seek out men, whom they perceive as nonjudgmental.

First sexual experience: Sometimes heterosexual males experiment with other males sexually, usually in adolescence and/or young adulthood (up to age 25), for the experience or to satisfy curiosity.

Availability/opportunity: These straight men have high sex drives and are sexually aroused easily. They connect with men for physical sexual release, which can be quick and easy and allows them avoid having to emotionally engage.

Sexual addiction: "Gay" behavior can be the result of sexual addiction. But even a "cured" sex addict may still feel attracted to men, as do celibate gay priests.

Narcissism: These are straight men who are self-absorbed and have a constant need for attention and acceptance; they use sexuality with men to be worshipped and adored.

Exhibitionism: These straight men enjoy being looked at by both men and women as long as they are being admired for their bodies. Many are body builders and muscular and enjoy the homoerotic attention of gay men and might even flirt with gay men to encourage more admiration.

Straight Guise is about straight men who have sex with men (SMSM) who question their sexual orientation and are not gay. It is about the many reasons men engage in sexual contact with other men that are not about a homosexual identity.

Straight men cannot become gay and gay men cannot become straight. Gay men are not gay due to complicated childhood experiences such as sexual abuse or problematic parenting. Science is increasingly pointing to the evidence that gay men are born that way.

There is a significant difference between sexual identity, sexual behavior and sexual fantasy and Straight Guise helps teach what these are. 

Der Eigene (Blog + Video) / 0048: Grero on Gaybros
« on: September 26, 2013, 04:13:40 PM »

Post from gaybros:

Bros, I stumbled on this & I'm digging it so much that I wanna share it before I even finish it. I think you will, too. (self.gaybros) <-- in case the link doesn't work.

From my own experiences and the experiences I know about from other guys (gay, straight, bi, etc.) I've always had a nagging feeling that male sexuality was much more fluid than our current dichotomy of straight vs. gay. That's given, considering the Kinsey scale, but even among us gay guys, we have yet another spectrum that ranges from queens to bros and everything in between. I've always believed that each of our individual personalities are equally deserving of respect, and that's one of the common traits of this particularly community I enjoy. Despite some negative publicity, I've found guys on this subreddit to be mostly the type that acknowledges their own similarities, not trying to crown themselves as the elite of the LGBT community, but instead celebrating our own common interests as equally valuable to any aspect of our community. Most of you guys seem to truly enjoy the bond of other bros, but I think you'd quickly kick a bully's ass for messing with a queen or trans kid, or anyone else in our larger community. Having said that, we even have straight guys who enjoy coming here, which makes sense because many of us have a lot of straight guy friends. And as we gain more acceptance in society, it's kind of an honor to see that we do get a lot of respect from straight men - I can't count the times in recent months I've heard a straight guy say "It's really an ego boost for a gay guy to hit on me, even if I'm not able to reciprocate the attraction." I've always noticed a certain affection among men, regardless of sexuality or where they fall in the gender spectrum. From boys who curiously examine each others' bodies to teen guys who constantly joke and share sexual innuendo, and then after coming out and being shocked by the amount of married men or guys with gf's who enjoyed close relationships with me - sometimes sexual and sometimes not, but always a bond. Reading this page has been a real confirmation of the things I've noticed growing and learning as I have - being a guy who had to severely hide his orientation, but found incredible acceptance from my mostly straight guy friends once I did come out at 27.

I'm only about half done, but I think the article is really hitting on some true points that our culture would love to hide. As men, even men who are more sexually attracted to women, I think the bond between us has been sacrificed by a patriarchal, homophobic culture. I can only imagine a world where that bond, sexual or not, isn't shamed but celebrated. And where young adult men who experiment and learn about themselves and their own relationships to that bond and how their natural attractions work can do so without fear of being condemned, I can't help but think so many issues we face as society such as high divorce rates and fatherless kids, LGBT teen suicide, and bullying - how dramatically would we find ourselves better resolving those issues. I hope you get the time to read this article, and I hope there's some good discussion about it. I think there's an element of truth to it, and that men in our culture are being shamed into repressing too much of what comes natural to us. Straight, bi, gay, all these labels are so inadequate when it comes to human emotion, attraction, and mostly - love. And if this has been posted before, forgive me, as well as for the long-winded introduction. I'm just really enjoying the read.

There actually had been a previous though less receptive thread on gaybros:

Der Eigene (Blog + Video) / 0047: My Unprofessional, Biased Demeanor
« on: September 25, 2013, 09:49:50 PM »

Three Stooges:

The message posted on facebook:

Hi. I read your entire free book online and generally agree with your historical research on men in early times and their sexual behaviour. I agree that heterosexuality is a social construct pressed upon many Westerners and needs to die down.
However, I find that much of your rhetoric is very unprofessional and makes your work appear less credible and extremely biased. Noone has to like any one political leaders in any country, however the language used to describe dislike in certain U.S. presidents is really immature. "The crackhead currently in office..." and other uncouth remarks about Clinton and gay men, et. al really throws intellectual readers off completely. I discovered your request for people to take a look at your site on an internet forum for lesbians and bisexuals.

Fun fact: I wear that same hat in my videos.

Der Eigene (Blog + Video) / 0046: It Gets Better and the Real Cowards
« on: September 25, 2013, 09:38:39 PM »

Introducing: the sounds of an armadillo fleeing during my walk in the woods and the Dad Voice.

Open Board / Grero on Facebook
« on: September 12, 2013, 11:23:39 PM »
I tried posting interesting grero and non-grero links here, but it didn't really fit. So... from now on, I'll be posting them on Facebook:

Feel free to post links there as well.

Bonus! To spread grero, I also use this account to comment on sites that use Facebook comments so you'll be getting that all for free.


what would you say is the central thesis of your Grero book. Are you saying we are all as humans inherently bisexual? And that the repression of bisexuality in our modern civilization is leading to a slew of problems that could be resolved if we got rid of the idea of completely heterosexual humans and separating masculinity from sexual orientation?

As a straight male (I know you disagree with this term but I am most closely identified to liking women, although i suppose i could have sex with a man if i really wanted to, although i dont which is probably just societal conditioning.) But I don't understand why straight boys growing up tease each other about being gay, as an insult. Are they all just insecure that they are not 100% heterosexual and that that conflicts with what society tells them they should be? I've always wondered about that.

Thanks and keep up the good work. As a straight male i hate homophobia (even though i admit i am a little bit homophobic) and would like to see social progress in terms of how we define sexuality.

Furthermore, how is wanting to have anal sex with a woman any different from wanting to have anal sex with a man? Straight porn is nowadays more and more focusing on anal sex. I like the idea of anal sex with a woman and find it very sexy. Doesn't anal sex with a man seem like the same thing to some degree? I've always wondered why gay men wouldn't want to have anal sex with a woman. They have better asses anyway! From my perspective, I don't have much luck with women and fell very isolated sometimes so i resort to porn and i have become a porn addict. Straight/lesbian porn doesnt do much for me anymore so i look at gay porn. i dont like penis and am disgusted whenever i see it but i dont mind watching anal sex because i figure "an ass is an ass" and if i was really really horny and desperate and wanted to have sex i wouldn't be opposed to sticking my dick in a guy's ass. Partly when i get desperate it turns me on to know that gay men are much easier to have sex with than women. Does that make me somewhat bisexual? I don't think it would, it is mostly out of desperation and extreme hornyness. For example, i would fuck my bed if it had a hole in it if you get my meaning. I'm just wondering how wanting to fuck a women anal is any different from wanting to do the dame with a man. keep in mind that i also love vagina.

I would like to get a gay man's perspective, but especially you because you are masculine and maybe can get a better idea of where i am coming from.

Open Board / STOP being stressed!!!
« on: September 08, 2013, 07:21:10 PM »

Der Eigene (Blog + Video) / 0043: Masculinity Defined?
« on: August 25, 2013, 08:53:32 PM »
Question from:

How do you define 'masculine'?

It is important because you reference this concept excessively (e.g. "masculine likes masculine"), but you don't say (to my knowledge) what you mean exactly.

Please don't just say it's something you know/notice about others (I remember you gave a response like this in one of your videos), but rather give a detailed description/definition. A definition that can be used to determine if certain person or activity is masculine or not -- by your standard, of course.

Der Eigene (Blog + Video) / 0042: Grero and "Someone Can Love Anybody"
« on: August 01, 2013, 08:36:19 PM »

I stumbled upon your book, and found it interesting, as a not-seeing-much-sense-in-calling-himself-gay man.

One of the reasons is, I can totally see myself loving a woman, for example, though I am not really keen on the "having sex" part. Also, I don't really like the gay community. At all. That being said, I'm not a "masculine man who loves masculine man" either, not in the exact sense. I cook. I'm awesome at baking cookies. I'm not good at football (soccer, that is) or anything, I feel no joy in indulging in any kind of activity that involves football, be it playing it, watching it, or anything else (I kick a good deal of ass in foosball, though). In short, I don't display what is called "gender-conforming behaviour". However, I suppose I am not effeminate either. The friends I express my love of men to are surprised, saying that they wouldn't expect me to be gay. I don't bother to explain I don't think I am gay, because, you know, controversial stuff.

Now, that being my position, your book kind of confused me. I'm pretty sure I can't call myself grero, because I don't really fit in the definition.

With me, the way out was far more simpler, but by no rights do I claim it is more accurate. Tastes in relationship is like tastes in food. Some like vegetables. Some like meat. Some carnivores may love mushroom anyway, because it is more of a "meaty" vegetable. Yet some other carnivores may love themselves a dish of cabbage, for no apparent reason what so ever. Some might like tomatoes, but not that one particular tomato, because they actually like watery tomatoes, whereas this one isn't watery at all. We don't really look for reasons in tastes in food, beyond the aspects of it (being well-cooked, meaty, crunchy, whatnot)  We just love them. I see it the same with sexuality.

This is more of a shortcut I have taken, and not a general principle on esthetics I heed. My question to you is, why didn't you endorse the "someone can love anybody" approach, but took the route of coining in a new term which, the way I see it, allows just the same thing.

I hope my question isn't an absurd one, and thanks in advance for your time.


What do you think about this situation? I find that I can really respect an academic regardless of creed, perhaps even find myself thinking of enjoying activities with them but not kissing and certainly not sex, I find male gay sex to be kind of disgusting. Where do I fall? I mean, I find the female body to be much more intriguing and seductive but I find the male mind to be more homely, I am not disgusted by the male body, I give it respect in its strength and form, but male love is not something I feel attracted to. What the hell am I?

Der Eigene (Blog + Video) / 0040: Kinsey Scale + Gender Scale
« on: August 01, 2013, 08:23:13 PM »

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